Monthly Archives: November 2011

Madvillain (MF Doom)-All caps

There’s so much win in this video, it’s hard to believe.  Number one, Doom tears up the mic, like he does always.  As if that wasn’t enough, there’s a sick beat for him to rap on.

My favorite part?  The video.  It’s  fucking creative, and it makes me sad that MTV doesn’t show videos anymore.  My one solace?  By not showing videos, Doom can never jump the shark.  At any rate, this is an awesome music video.

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Filed under Check this out, Music, Rants

Amber Rose

Sometimes, a seed is planted in the subconscious mind.  After repeated subconscious exposure, rather than grow to like or dislike a person, they just become part of the landscape, and you find yourself wondering how this person who you don’t recognize at all seems to be own valuable real estate in your head all of a sudden… like Kim Kardashian but without the erection dissolving disgust.

Such is Amber Rose.

One day, this chick is on the cover of a magazine with Kanye West and company.  And my first thought is, man… some bitch is dressed up like a white Grace Jones:

Next thing I know she’s everywhere, doing Maxim and stuff:

Courtesy of HipsterRunoff.com

Now, this girl has a vodka commercial out.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I prefer beer and wine, with the occasional whiskey.  Even more rare is the occasion upon which I drink vodka.  When I do, it’s typically in the form of a dirty vodka martini… a wonderful thing that is both savory and elegantly crisp at the same time.  However, when I saw the above vodka commercial, I realized one thing.

I want to fuck the shit out of some vodka now.

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Filed under Check this out, Comedy, Food, Rants, Wine and Spirits

Girls who place all of their self worth and value in personal appearance bother me

I’m not saying I like a girl who doesn’t care about how she looks. No sir, as a matter of fact, I’m quite happy silently mentally nitpicking various aspects of a woman’s appearance and deciding which aspects I do and do not care for. Ladies, if you see me eyeing you, half is thinking, yea, I’d hit that, but the other half is thinking something like “put on a bit too much make up today did we? What are we trying to hide?”

I like a girl who takes pride in how she looks. It’s a sign that she respects herself. What bothers me is women who put TOO MUCH stake in how they feel they are perceived visually. What I’ve noticed the most is, for better or worse, it seems like a girl who has at one time not been happy with their weight and not received attention from men that other women do. A lot of the times, when women lose weight, the desire to get guys’ attention metastasizes into something more toxic and sad that just scares guys like me off.

Example, I went out with my brother one night. As the drinks START flowing, this girl starts getting louder. A few more drinks, she starts getting flirty, talking a lot about herself, her talents at work, about penises and how they look huge in her hands since she has tiny hands. We walk to another bar, she whispers to me “I used to weigh 215 lbs” (she’s like 5’3). A few more drinks and she’s REALLY flirty. A few more and she’s pulling her shirt down and exposing cleavage, reaching for people’s crotches. A few more and now this bitch is crying. 10 minutes later, this chick is a train wreck, crying, yelling at the guy behind the counter who sells pizza like “how DARE YOU?!?!?! HOW F-ING DARE YOU!?!?!!” What the hell could a pizza guy do? Hell the worst thing he could say is something pizza related.

Another chick I know. She looks okay. A lil overweight. If she concentrated on eating right (a well-balanced diet lower in processed foods), getting 8 hours of sleep, and a long term plan of lifting weights and doing cardio, she’d be happy as hell in a year or so. Now, bear in mind, she’s not hideous, not a complete brown bagger. And she has good facial features. But the thing is, if you were to look at this girl’s Facebook, it’s like this:

“What’s wrong with guys?”
“I just wish guys around her liked me.”
“God, I’m horny, I wish there were more guys around here with a job, a house and a comfy bed” (meanwhile this girl’s still living at home).

You just wish you could tell these girls like “hey, you have a great rack, something going for you that most people don’t. But really deep down… personality wise… you have bad breath.”

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Filed under Comedy, Rants, Stories

Storytelling Night at Belmont : Scary Stories

October’s Storytelling Night fell on October 30th, and with it being so close to Halloween, the choice was obvious.  We had to do scary stories.  As always, I told my story.  Here it is.

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Filed under Check this out, Comedy, Rants, Stories, Vlogs